Why Do I Play Poker?

February 23, 2010

Pay the man his money. Eric Schwartz – $100 richer.

Filed under: Online Poker, Poker, Texas Hold'em — Tags: , , — Why Do I Play Poker? @ 3:43 pm

It’s time to pay up, just like KGB said in Rounders so many years ago. Eric Schwartz is the winner of one hundred American dollars for his submission to whydoiplaypoker. Thanks to everybody who submitted.  We learned a lot.  Mostly, that people don’t want to submit their stories.  This is why Eric Schwartz will be the first and last recipient of our monthly giveaway.  Feel free to continue to submit,  were just not paying anymore.

But we do want to share Eric’s submission.   So here goes…

Why do I play poker?

Two Words.

Mel Fucking Gibson.

Mel Fucking paternal holocaust-denying (fine, Mister Christian.  I’m a crucifixion denier.  Who’s got the photographic evidence?) Gibson.

Mad Douchebag Max, no matter how batshit insane, no matter how much the asshole no matter many whiskeys beyond Thunderdome he rides, will always get the better table at Spago or whateverthefuck ” in” place there is now, which I wouldn’t know about because I’m not Mel Shrimping the Malibu Barbie Gibcuntson.

Because in life,  money, power, they play.  They play always.  Guaranteed if Mother Theresa and Mel Gibfelch wanted front and center at the Bon Jovi reunion, the wrinkled nun would be hanging with the lepers in coach.  By lepers, I mean me, except I fucking hate Bon Jovi, probably because he’d get the seats right next to Mel Gibanalslurp.

But sit Mel Downundereater next to me at Hollywood Park and we have a different situation.  At the table, we are equal.  For at the table, money?  Power? Irrelevant.  What matters is the cards.  And cards change every hand.  That means fortune changes every hand.  I’m a songwriter.  I wait for inspiration.  I hope for talent.  I pray for flashes of brilliance, for the perfect song.  These things might never come.  But you wait long enough, you sit long enough, you are patient enough and have a big enough bankroll to survive the doubts, droughts and suck-outs, you WILL find yourself looking at the corners of two cards, bent upwards underneath your unwashed thumb, with As on them.  And when you do, and when Mister Cockodile Dundee whips out his uncircumcised, latex-ignorant kangadong and throws it on the table, you can chop that motherfucker off and smile all the way up the  405.

And that is why I play poker.

Thanks Eric!   See you at the tables!

Stay tuned for our aboutface at whydoipoker.net!

Wow that was a shitload of exclamation points!

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Share/Bookmark

February 9, 2010

Winning Poker – How to Crack the Code

Filed under: Poker, Texas Hold'em, WSOP — Tags: , , , — WhyDoIPlayPoker @ 4:00 am

I enjoy the process of figuring things out.  Puzzles make me feel alive. Get my brain swirling about in the best of ways.

You probably think I am going to say that poker is the biggest puzzle I have ever encountered. Not true.  That award goes to being a husband and father. Much harder AND much more rewarding.  But poker comes in second.

There is something so enticing about the puzzle that we call poker.  With all the books, discussion groups and casinos, there are literally thousands of avenues to explore that can you help you crack the code. Most of us have tried them all. So why aren’t more of us winning? As I’ve said before, I am not a winning poker player, so I often ask myself why I play?

To crack the code.

More than money, ego, bragging rights or that adrenaline rush of getting a one-outer on the river, I play poker simply to figure out what it takes to be a winner. What is that formula?

I keep a book of all my sessions:

When I play. For how long. What stakes. What game. Won/lost amount. Who I play against.

This book is a cryptic puzzle that I desperately want to figure out. Somewhere in those pages is the answer as to why I don’t win more money at poker.

Some of the answers are obvious: I play when I am tired. I play against better players. I go on tilt and give away my last $30 (did that last night!). I play too long. I play too loose when I am winning. I don’t leave when I am losing.

On closer look, I realize these are not results, but really symptoms. There is something deeper. Something within myself that prevents me from winning more money. Not sure what that is yet.

I just started reading a great book: The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind. It says that rich people think differently than poor people. This reminded of Alan Schoonmaker’s book, Poker Winners Are Different.

Both books imply that rich people and winners (in poker this is often the same thing) have different wiring in their brain.

If that’s the case, then I guess I need brain surgery. Now I need to figure out how to pay for that.

Maybe I’ll win the WSOP Main Event. A few million should cover the surgery, right?

Why do you play? Let me know at stories@whydoiplaypoker.net

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Share/Bookmark

February 5, 2010

Winning Poker Formula:Play Against the Weak. Losing Poker Formula:Play Against the Strong

Filed under: Commerce Casino, Full Tilt Poker, Hollywood Park, Poker, Texas Hold'em, The Bike — Tags: , , , , , , , — WhyDoIPlayPoker @ 4:00 am

I’ll just come out and say it: I play poker to win money.

Just like any other poker player, I will take money from my friends, my enemies, my neighbor, the fathers of my son’s pre-school friends and even my wife.  Hell, if my grandmother would sit down with me I would try my darnedest to take her money as well.

In order to win more money at poker, I have done what any true poker player does: study.

I study a lot.

I buy the books: Sit ‘n Go Strategy, Harrington on Hold ‘em, Online Ace, etc. I underline important parts, take notes and implement the techniques.

I take internet courses:  Deepstacks University, the online interactive course endorsed by Mike “The Mouth” Matusow. (great site by the way!)

I have discussions with fellow poker players about strategy, odds, etc.

You’d think with all this diligent work my results would be better.  Online I am a break even player. Home games:winner.  Casino games: loser. To be honest, I am an overall loser in poker. Not huge numbers, but enough to irk me. Make me want to crack the nut.

After all this studying, practicing and playing, I have come to realize there is only one REAL winning formula for poker: Play against players that are worse than you are.  Sounds simple, but it’s true. This is a predatory sport and the strong feast on the weak.

You want to beat the game, look for the table full of losers.

Top 10 Traits of a Losing Poker Player:

10.  He has a short stack. A good player knows that to win, his stack has to be replenished. Otherwise he’s not playing poker. It’s called playing bingo.

9. A big talker, giving lessons = BIG LOSER.

8. Looks like he’s been up all night. Probably trying to get even. Winners go home when they are losing and cut their losses.

7. Complains about back beats.

6. Goes to the ATM. Definitely means he is going beyond his intended budget and probably not using good bankroll management.

5. Plays almost every hand: loser

4. Tries to verbally intimidate the other players. LOSER!

3. Talks about how much he won last night. LOOOOOOO-SER!

2. Throws his cards at the dealer.

1. Makes quick over-sized bets.

I am probably not telling you anything new. But how many of us truly abide by these rules. It ain’t rocket science, but it works. In fact, it works way better than reading, studying or talking about poker. To paraphrase Texas Dolly: Poker is a game of people played with cards.

I play poker to win money from the weak.

Why do you play? Let me know at stories@whydoiplaypoker.net

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Share/Bookmark

January 31, 2010

Poker Optimism – Number 1 Sign of a Losing Poker Player

Filed under: Commerce Casino, Poker, Texas Hold'em — Tags: , , , , , , , — Why Do I Play Poker? @ 9:28 am

Everyone loves an optimist.  Their enthusiasm is contagious.  They’re go-getters.

You know what?  I’ve had an assload of optimists lately.  And truthfully, the only place I want to see them is at the poker tables. Preferably, with their optimistic fucking mouths shut.

Here’s why? They’ll optimistically go to the ATM machine way more times than they’ll make that miracle one -outer.

If it’s so easy, then why do I sound so mad?  Thanks for asking. I get tired of hearing how optimism and enthusiasm are the be all end all of everything.  Everyone thinks those qualities are great. What about their cousins greed and self-delusion?  Well, they’re connected.  Alan Schoonmaker, Ph.D, put it best in his book, “Your Worst Poker Enemy“- “Destructive emotion #1: Hope”

Here’s the big secret.  Poker is really about things not happening.   Top pair on the flop usually holds up.  Make all the optimists pay dearly for their sunny outlooks.

Don’t get me wrong, I have my optimistic moments.  I’m basically a long term optimist, short term pessimist. Both in poker and in life.

I play poker to watch the optimists drown in their own hope.

Why do you play? Let me know at stories@whydoiplaypoker.net

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Share/Bookmark

January 29, 2010

Full Tilt’s Rush Poker – A lesson in focus…..I think.

Filed under: Full Tilt Poker, Online Poker, Poker, Texas Hold'em — Tags: , , , , , , , — Why Do I Play Poker? @ 5:00 am

I wish I could tell you a surefire strategy to beat the online poker site’s new game.  But I can’t.  Not even close. I have no idea how to win in that game.  I think it starts with a raise and then I’m not sure where to go from there. Maybe a little patience might give you a leg up.  What do I know?  I’ve logged in for forty five minutes and played more hands than my first six months of poker combined.

The thing that hit me most about Full Tilt’s Rush poker is how important it is not to look back.  In Rush, there is no way to see how the hand would’ve ended.  You’re whisked away to another table.  You have a new decision to make. You don’t have time to think about what went right or wrong in the last hand.

Unlike regular poker, in Rush there is no “What if?” because the hand really doesn’t exist anymore. There’s not even a way to see “What if?” Actually, this is great, because if there ever were a shitty game, it’s  ”What if?”   It’s a subtle variation on the timeless classic “Would’ve, should’ve, could’ve.” Actually, it’s the same game with a different title.  Kinda like playing NYC Monopoly or Grateful Dead Monopoly.  Same game, different theme.

Now I’m not saying there isn’t a place for reflection about your game or your life.  It’s essential.  Just not at the table.

I always have to remember to be in the moment at the poker table. That’s the only thing that matters right now. Who cares if my KQ would have made a straight? Thinking about it only distracts me from the hand at hand. It’s a recipe to compound my losses or, if I’m basking in the glory of an amazing play, minimize my wins.

So I’m going to keep playing Rush. Stay focused and try to avoid writing blog posts while I’m doing it.  Because at  300 hands an hour, it’s damn near impossible.

I play poker to help me stay focused in the present.

Why do you play? Let me know at stories@whydoiplaypoker.net

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Share/Bookmark

January 25, 2010

Like Dexter, I also have a “Dark Passenger.”

Filed under: Commerce Casino, Hollywood Park, Poker, Texas Hold'em, The Bike, WSOP, Winning Streak — Tags: , , , , , , , , , — Why Do I Play Poker? @ 4:00 am

“I’m all in!”

“I call!”

He shows me his straight. I muck my 2 pair in disgust. It’s not that I got outplayed. That doesn’t piss me off too much. What DOES piss me off is when I make a solid game plan on the way to the casino, but when I get there, my dark passenger takes over and the game plan goes out the door. It’s like I am two people. On the one hand, I am a responsible father and husband. Patient, creative and frugal. On the other hand, I am an aggressive poker player – impatient, impulsive and sometimes reckless.

Okay, maybe my comparison to Dexter is an exaggeration. After all, its been years since I hacked up some evil dude and threw his body parts in the ocean.

I have the same conversation every time I go to the casino. “Today I am going to play tight. No fishing. Only play position. Fold draws when I don’t have the odds. Go home when I lose my edge. Don’t go on tilt when I get a bad beat. And most importantly, FOLD WHEN I KNOW I AM BEAT!” I look in the mirror. Remind myself that I am in control.

Then I get to the casino, fast walk to the felt and plop down my chips and eagerly await my first Christmas present. 2 minutes later, all my chips are in the middle. 3 way action and I am on the nut flush draw on the flop. I almost have odds and convince myself this is a good spot to get it all in. 30 seconds later…..I am on tilt, calling for chips and ready to gamble. Just like that, enter my dark passenger. It doesn’t take long until, I have lost my second buy-in. At this point, I look at my phone and realize I have been here for only 75 minutes. Luckily the wallpaper on my iPhone is a picture of my son. Instantly I snap back. My horns retract, my fangs retreat, my tail disappears and I am myself again. I breath deeply and remind myself that I am not defined by my last hand of poker.

I am always surprised when my dark side comes out, but I have come to be grateful for him as well. I use him as a measure for my personal growth. The day I can take a beating and shake it off will be the day I have made it to the next level of consciousness. It may sound a bit metaphysical, but that’s one of the reasons I play poker.

Why do you play? Let me know at stories@whydoiplaypoker.net

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Share/Bookmark

January 24, 2010

Some things don’t go well together. Connectivity and sit-n-go bubble strategy come to mind.

Filed under: Bad Beats, Full Tilt Poker, Online Poker, Poker, Texas Hold'em — Tags: , , , , , , , , , — Why Do I Play Poker? @ 4:00 am

There have been all sorts of things that keep me from playing my best poker online.   Mad at my boss.  Looking at too much porn. You get the picture.

Well, the other night was the first time my computer got the best of me.

I played a $24  + $2 Turbo 90 person tourney with a KO bonus of $4 per victim.  What the hell?  Seemed like fun.

Well, It was fun until I started getting disconnected every other hand.

Frustrated, I tried to dump my chips with A2 under the gun but I spiked an ace and knocked out my opponent. My first KO bonus. $4.  Cool.

I get disconnected again.  And again. And again.

I reconnect  and to my surprise I have aces and action.  Two guys are going all in.  It’s my turn to act.  My hand gets automatically folded.

Fuck.

Fuck you computer!  They would have held up too.  I would be the chip leader by a fucking mile.

I’m pissed. You have to take advantage of those spots.

We’re getting close to the bubble.  The guy I would have knocked out pushes.  He has me covered.  I have KK. We’re really close to the bubble, what to do?

I don’t have to tell you what happened .

Okay, I will. Out on the bubble.

I could’ve of waited, but I thought I was owed one because of those aces.  Where are my extra 40K in chips? I played like I had a rain check for a big winning hand.

It doesn’t work that way.  I let my computer put me on tilt. Sure, it sucked that I was having connectivity issues.  But I should have to reminded myself that my strategy for the end of the tournament had nothing to do with my connectivity issues.  Irrationally, I thought I had one in the bank. And I didn’t. Even though it felt good to blame my computer, it had nothing to do with why I lost that tournament.

I play poker is for the big scores.  It just eluded me last night.

Why do you play? Let me know at stories@whydoiplaypoker.net

P.S. I played another one the next night and pulled a 4th.  I’ll take $200 in profit. Gotta love the KO Bounty paying your buy in. No connectivity issues either.

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Share/Bookmark

January 23, 2010

Gung Ho or Don’t Go

Filed under: Online Poker, Poker, Texas Hold'em — Tags: , , , , , , , , — Why Do I Play Poker? @ 4:00 am

You can’t have ambivalence when you play poker. You are either gungho rock out with your cock out, or don’t play. Poker players sense weakness. If you display any softness, they WILL eat your balls. Trust me, it hurts.

Sometimes my family schedule opens up on a night when I am completely tired. It creates such conflict for me. The universe conspires to give me a free night, I should rally the troops and seize the free time. However, I don’t feel up for it. Herein lies the rub.

In truth, I can’t bear to pass the opportunity to play cards, even if I’m exhausted. I suddenly have the feeling that this will be the last time. If I don’t go now, I’ll never again experience the exhilaration of poker’s body drenching adrenaline rush. (That sounds gay).

Nine times out of ten I go, and nine times out of nine, I lose. Not only that, I start off losing.

After 2 buy-ins, I buckle down. By 2AM, I have actually rallied back to even. I consider leaving, but 2 things cross my mind. First, I hate the idea of playing poker for 6 hours and breaking even. It sounds stupid, but I would rather lose than break even. At least I have something to show for my time: an empty pocket. Second, if I leave now I will never ever in my whole life have the time, energy or means to come back. This will DEFINITELY be my last time ever playing poker. Since this IS my last time, might as well go out with a bang. A poker binge, if you will.

On these nights, I don’t leave until the absence of chips states the obvious. Pal, you’re done. At 4AM, I am $400 poorer and ask myself why the fuck I even went in the first place. 3o minutes later I am home. The moment I step through my front door, I wonder if I have any time next weekend to go back. Instantly I catch myself. What the fuck am I thinking?

If I wait until next weekend, life will get too complicated and I’ll never get there. Better go back tomorrow.

I play because I have the bug.

Why do you play? Let me know at stories@whydoiplaypoker.net

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Share/Bookmark

January 18, 2010

The Host Gift

Filed under: Home Game, Poker, Texas Hold'em, Wednesday Night Game — Tags: , , , , , , , — Why Do I Play Poker? @ 4:00 am

I finally get an invite to the home game I’ve been subtlety lobbying to get into.

This is a group of the cool dad’s from my son’s pre-school. I casually let them know I play poker, and then patiently wait to be invited into the inner circle. It’s like dodgeball in elementary school. I desperately want to be included in the fun, but inevitably feel like the last one chosen.

Now that I have the invite, my next concern is what to bring for the host gift. This is after all, a friendly game. After too much deliberation, I settle on a bottle of wine. Not the good stuff of course, I want to be gracious, not stupid. Does this make me a bad person? Probably, but I’m just trying give the right gift for the right situation. It’s like trying to read an opponent. In this situation I think the B minus wine is enough to drag in the pot.

I arrive at the game, offer my wine to the host and take my seat with other guys. Tonight is going to be good. I am definitely going to fit in here. Until I don’t.

The guys start commenting on the wine they are drinking. Tannin this, velvet that. Uh oh. My okay wine is now a ticking time bomb ready to expose me as Mr. Cheap. Now I know I am fucked.

I silently accept defeat. I was outplayed at the wine game. No biggie. Just like when I take a licking at the poker table, I do some evaluation, make some adjustments and try not to repeat the same mistakes.

Thankfully, these guys aren’t nearly as judgmental as I am. A couple quips about my wine being sub-par, I’m off the hook. And the best news is that while these guys know wine, they don’t know shit about poker. But tonight, I don’t really care. I’m happy to just make new friends. It’s just gravy that these new friends will call a big raise with J8 in early position.

Even though the game is juicy, I’m just playing to make friends and drink (someone else’s) good wine.

Why do you play? Let me know at stories@whydoiplaypoker.net

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Share/Bookmark

January 17, 2010

Latin Ballroom or Pass the Trash

Filed under: Home Game, Poker, Texas Hold'em — Tags: , , , , , , — Why Do I Play Poker? @ 4:00 am

I’ve been married for 10 years, have 2 kids and almost no time to myself. If you count my internet porn babes as company, then I do in fact have no time to myself. When I get a call to join a neighbor’s home game on a random Wednesday night, I think to myself, “What would I rather do? Watch the finale of So You Think You Can Dance with my wife, or hang out with the guys smoking pot, telling lies and acting like a 15 year old.” Hmmmmmmmmm

I arrive at the game a bit giddy. This night is going to be fun. Buy in is $80 and it’s dealer’s choice. Everyone hates NLH at home games. It’s too slow, too restrictive…requires too much talent! I know this going in. We are going to play games that are just a hair above roulette in skill level. Shit, I was going to be watching Tiffany and Raj do the Latin Ballroom, even if I lose $80 at stupid games of chance, I’m a winner. I’ll gladly play 3 hours of “Pass The Trash” if I can escape the suffering of a round of comments from the faggy dancing judges about how much Raj extended his arms during the pirouettes. Not that I have a problem with gay or dancing. But really? Is this even a contest?

Tonight I am catching bad cards. Couple that with missing some of the “subtleties” of Pass the Trash and I am thru my first buy in. It’s only 8:30. Raj is still doing pirouettes. RE-BUY!

At 9:07, my second buy-in is gone. Raj or chips? Raj or chips? Raj or chips? It’s a tough one, but at this point I need to acknowledge the grace and beauty of Raj’s dancing. He actually does have a place in my life. When all the money is gone and there is absolutely nothing left to do, Raj is the answer.

I come home. My wife remarks that I am home early. Bad night. I take my place on the couch and manage to show some enthusiasm when I ask, “Hey did I miss Raj and Tiffany?” “Nope”‘ she says, “just in time.” I force a smile and say, “Great! Can’t wait to see them really nail this Latin Ballroom.”

Sometimes I play poker to postpone the inevitable.

Why do you play? Let me know at stories@whydoiplaypoker.net

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Share/Bookmark
Older Posts »

Powered by WordPress